Can I take a break?

I'm so fucked up with life recently.
I have no siblings, no so-called true friends, absolutely no one to talk to.
Therefore I choose to come to my blog, here, a lil tiny space for me to breathe.
You can skip this post coz this shit is gonna be boring and sad.Lol

Sometimes I'm so speechless with life.
I'm dealing with alot of things right now, alot, more than I could manage.
Why, why me? I would ask myself.
I'm just an ordinary teenage girl, a fifteen-years-old girl. I'm just fucking 15. 
I should be enjoying life, having my own sweet leisure time, party all night with no stress.
But what I'm going through now is definitely not what a teen should do.
God, why do you think I'm strong enough to handle all these? I'm not. 

I was still having my own sweet time shopping and everything paid by dad,
I'm still my daddy's girl, being so dependent on him,
I would called him whenever I needed money, or needed something,
I took everything as granted. He's my dad, I deserve all these.
What the fuck was wrong with me? How could such daughter think like that?
If you're thinking like the same way I did before,
trust me, you'll realize how fucking wrong you are someday.
You will somehow feel ashame for not appreciating everything.
I went through it, and the pain is still here until today.
My heart is still bleeding.
Everyday when I'm struggling, all I did was hiding myself under the blanket.
I wanted to scream, wanted to dodge and runaway from all these, I wanted to just die. 
Why, I don't deserve all these. I couldn't stand it. I'm tired.
Study, future,money,love,friendship,family.........

FML.
I'm tired of carrying all these alone.
Can I take a break? 

病倒了 为什么

最近 都不是很好 加上现在病倒了 为什么?
发烧感冒头痛这些都会好的 可是痛苦呢 心痛该怎么好?
昨天在学校很多人都没来 我又晕到没力气只好在班睡着
法语课的时候老师走近来突然叫我名字 原来也是同一句 说我爸爸的事情
他说了一句很有道理的话 其实之前朋友们都有提到
'每个人都会体验这种事 只是你比别人早了些' 是啊 我的确比别人早
可为什么是我 好不公平不过那又怎样
除了跪在地上大哭怨天怨地 我还能做什么?
我可以假装什么事都没发生 我可以若无其事的大笑
可是每当天黑一个人躺在床上 望着黑色的天时
我还是会忍不住流泪 我还是会很想要知道老天爷为什么要这样对我
从小我的家庭就已经和别人不一样 我从来没有真正的去怨过 因为就算是如此我还是公主
只要是合理的我要什么就可以有什么 可是一夜之间你把公主辨为庶民 为什么是我

算了
人本来就没得选择命运 只有安然去接受
那我也只好选择去接受
对了，明天又要飞去沙巴两天 大家不要想念我
我很快就回来更新 掰

The third day.

Today is no any difference than a normal day.
Sun still shines brightly, people are laughing and chatting in Fb, or anywhere.
School is still going on. Or holidays just started.
Everything is the same. Its just a normal beautiful day.
But it doesn't seems like that to me.


There were so many people asking me to cheer,
those words are always the same. 
He is still inside your heart. 
Cheer up. 
He never leaves. 
I know you can. 
But you never know why I can't.


I'm so thankful to all of you, who have been worrying and concerning me.
Some were sincere, some were acting, some were fake, some were normal..
Whatever. Just thank you. Loves ♥


I once saw this in my babe's blog,

想着，他只不过是去换过一个健康的身体。

不要受病的折磨 ♥

and tears just swam inside my eyes.

Lose to Guiltiness

If you're smart you would know what the title really means. Recently I did something which I never do in my entire life and I felt shitload ashame. I'm so sorry. And I learnt a words for myself and to everyone outside that is, 'you can always learnt something from someone, but you can never be like them♥' So I made a deal for myself last night. I'll do things in my very own style, no matter what. 

Desire of mine

 

Oh its loooooong time ago. My ring lost! :'( 

Holiday is here!! Omg Omg. How fast. Today was talent time and it was hell fun. Stay tune cz there will be surprise for you guys. For now, let's talk about my desire for the next term....

I'm not pretty, but I WANT TO BE. 

I'm not smart, but I WANT TO BE. 

I'm not kind, but I WANT TO BE. 

I'm not hardworking enough, but I WANT TO BE.  

I'm not into fashion, but I WANT TO BE. 

A good and sweet relationship, YES I WANT

I WANT to get what I want. i'll change in this holiday.Perhaps. 

15 years old is gonna come soon, promise I made will then break :) 

That is, to have a xxxxxxxxx. ♥  *words removed

p.s/ Monday Genting again -__-

If everyone want, everyone can.

I watched HSM movie again just now. Ending part they sang a song "Together" 

There are few sentences of lyric which I feel like its...well I hope to have it. So here is it ;;; 

"Everyone is special in their own way
We make each other strong (each other strong)
We're not the same 
We're different in a good way
Together's where we belong
We're all in this together 
Once we know
That we are 
We're all stars 
And we see that
We're all in this together
And it shows
When we stand 
Hand in hand
Make our dreams come true"

See that? Especially the "together's where we belong" 

Everyone want to have a good and memorable High School Life. So why can't we just live in peace? Why must there be being-too-arrogant-to-you, or you-are-too-selfish, or so many shit reasons for not being friend with each other anymore. I know, sometimes the arguement and rude word just come out from our mouth and we just can't control. But we can try. Now that I finally realized, why argue so much? Enjoy life is what we teenagers should do now ;p 

When I'm primary I used to argue sososo much with friends. When I came to secondary I realized that the primary argue are actually avoidable and its unnecessary. Same to now. When we become adult someday we would realize that all the shit we argue today are so ridiculous. Funny shitz. 

So, let us all try to make everything peace and enjoy our high school life :)))  ♥  


*Does not mean I won't be scolding any biatch in the future :D


♥♥♥

Mama's day ♥

 

Actually there is a video for my mom. Unfortunately, can't upload it now :( Sobs.

♥

 Mom, I've got so many unspeakable words for you. Those words can never come from my mouth but from my heart. (You can skip this particular part. Just words for my mom)

对世界而言你也许不是最完美的妈妈，但对我来说，你就是. 
你每次都会念我，而我每次都会摆出那不耐烦的样子~原谅我那坏脾气， 
有的时候我很不体谅你，也许未来还有很多对你的不体谅，但没关系 ， 因为我知道有一天我会明白，你对我的一切一切都是好的， 有时候我对你有短暂的恨，很不明白你对我的作为。
所以我会往着天空，然后告诉自己，不可以这样。
我的家人是上天赐给我的礼物。要学会珍惜。
爱你的话我说不出也不会说~但我会用时间和行动去证明。 
你每次都会担心说只有我那么一个女儿，以后你老了谁来照顾你。 
你对于我的“会”有着不大的信心。没关系。但我可以很肯定的告诉你，即使以后发生什么事你都不会一个人。
 当你以后头发都白了的时候，还是视觉开始模糊的时候，或是风湿生病的时候，我来照顾你。
每次经过老人院的时候你都会有点害怕。但你以后不会去那里的。
你永远都会是我最好的妈妈。

Last year mama's day gift 

 

This year's ;D

 

哈哈，然后靓妈去载我表姐，一起去吃饭~ 哪里都一样，都是这么多人。 

证明他们的想法都和我们一样，都那么懒惰煮~ 

靓妈点菜的时候真的笑死人，她大概点了6样菜，那个老板傻了~ 

他一直讲"我们的鱼和虾很多的，你们吃不完" 然后靓妈顶回说"我们很大吃的" 

老板在说"我们的菜真的很多的，你们吃不完的啦~" 

靓妈在强调说我们真的很大吃的，这句话足足重复了3次 -.- 

好咯~老板就照点~ 

我们死命在那边笑那个老板太小看我们了 ~ 

结果, 

菜来了~ 

我们吃不完打包回家 = =" 

表姐还踩了一句"不停老板言，吃亏在眼前"  靓妈diam diam在那边笑 XD 

老板也一定在笑我们daii seii ~~ 

THEN一个小孩来帮我们买单，我问他是不是老板的儿子， 

他说不是~~~ 

几秒后他搭了一句说是孙子 

=_____=" 

厉害的小鬼~  

想当年

                           

如今

                            

                                              

我丑了很多 =.= 

可能是最近心情低落 ;x 

抱歉我让你们担心，

我不知道自己要怎样，我讨厌这种像是寂寞的感觉。在这种时候我承认我最需要的是朋友，但我并没有真正信任的一个。 

有谁可以真心的在我身边安慰我?

突然

真的好想好想回到过去那天真的时候。

Heart talk ♥

 

I either hope to be a kid again, or to grow up fast. 

Cz I hate to be a fourteen-years-old-teen, its like not kiddie not mature -.-  

Well in this week, I actually thought about my dad, my family, my broken heart, and my life. My mind got stucked. It always do. And seems like it just don't go away.  

♥

But I won't talk to anyone. I would just look up to the sky, I would just write it in the blog, I would rather hide myself under the blanket and on my ipod, listen to the music and cry till I fall asleep. 

Yes that's what I'll do. There's no one I could trust on. I could trust on my mum, of course, but there's always some topic that you can never share it with your mum. 

My friends always ask me the same question "Are you lonely cz u're the only child? seems like u're not" 

"Yes I do" But will that make any difference? Once I asked my parents, "Why am I the only one? Why can't I have a sis or bro?" And they answered me something which totally shut my mouth up. "Fair enough. You're the only one so you can get everything." 

I was speechless. Yes that's benefit.  

How I wish I can have a sister, to share everything with me. Secret, Make up, BFs, love talk, laughs, drama, outing, fasion, music ,everything. 

How I wish I could have a brother, to protect me from bullying, to share laughs with me, to ask me what flower does a girl like cz she wanna gift to his gf, and many many more.... 

How I wish I could have a perfect boy, to love me more than I do, to make me smile forever, to be always there for me, to teach me many many things, to make my life beautiful, and many many more..... 

How I wish to have BFF, to share all the fashions and make ups, to chuckle together, to gossip and to chat about those bitches and bastards....etc....  

♥ ♥

I don't know.  

I felt lost these days. I just couldn't stand up. 

Smile covers everything. 

But my hurt just don't heal. 

Even if it does, I believe that there's still scar left.  

What can I do? 

♥ ♥ ♥